My Spirituality

Photo of Jesse Schaaf by Jesse Schaaf

Bless us Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

About two weeks ago I was asked to do the homily for Youth Sunday. My initial reaction was, "Well that sounds cool. What’s a homily?" Then it was, "Oh my gosh, you want me do the sermon? Are you serious, how could I possibly do that?" Yet, after a conversation with our lovely Priest-in-Charge, things changed from, "So what might I be doing if I take this on?" to "I am so glad you’re doing this! You hadn’t decided yet had you? Well now it’s official, you’ll do great!"

And so here I am, Jesse Schaaf, hoping to feign intelligence before you. What have I gotten myself into this time?

A lot of thinking, that’s for sure, because when I asked what I should talk about today, I was told I could convey how the church has affected me spiritually. As simple a statement as this seemed at the time, though, it soon became clear that it’s incredibly difficult to put into words.

First, what does the word ‘spirituality’ even mean? I’m sure it’s been explained in past sermons and there’s probably a very nice definition of it in the dictionary, but that doesn’t completely help me here.

What does spirituality mean to me? And NOW as opposed to almost two years ago when the answer would have been completely different from today.

Because at that time I didn’t associate spirituality with religion at all. In fact, I considered it the opposite because it meant NO organized religion, yet still with some belief in the spirit.

No matter how I thought of it though, it definitely wasn’t Christianity, because at that time, it and I weren’t getting along too well. I wasn’t sure how thrilled I was with this Jesus guy and the whole thing just seemed a little too judgy and in your face for my taste. When I thought of Christianity, I envisioned: Old Testament, crusades, converting, zealots, etc, etc. Not the prettiest picture.

So, what DOES spirituality mean to me now? To really put that into words and have it make ANY kind of sense, I probably should tell you how I got here. And I mean church here, not in the pulpit; I still don’t know how that happened.

As funny as this might sounds, it all sort of started with puppets, which is pretty typical for me actually. So, as many of you may know, Paul Mesner Puppets does a life size puppet rendition of the Nativity each Christmas. Through that I was fortunate enough to meet three awesome members of the Tallis Singers: Juliana, Devon and Emilio.

Through them, I got involved with choir and youth group, which has been the biggest blessing. Suddenly I found myself surrounded by people who shared many of my interests and that I could talk to openly without fear of being teased or judged.

But, that doesn’t make me come to church every Sunday and it’s not what’s gotten me so incredibly involved, though they are a huge part of it.

The people. I could have gone to any church or have been inducted into any denomination, like Catholicism because my best friend is Catholic, their services are just as nice, and there’s a church just as close to me as this one. But it never would have felt like it did here.

The first time I attended a Sunday service here at Grace and Holy Trinity Cathedral, I sat in the back surrounded by my new choir friends, and looked up at the alter to Sue, a female priest. Then, I had the pleasure of listening to one of Terry’s many excellent sermons that to this day I miss.

And of course I can’t leave out Joe who did such an AMAZING job welcoming me into youth group and teaching me about faith, the Bible, and Christianity as a whole. It all felt right. Everything about being here seemed like it was where I belonged.

But some of you might be asking, or at least you will be later, what does this have to do with my spirituality?

Well, as the daughter of a teacher and counselor, I know that to learn anything one has to be in an environment where they feel safe.

That’s definitely how I feel here, so this meant I was ready and able to start learning everything I’d thought wrong about Christianity, especially about ‘that Jesus guy’ and there was SO MUCH to learn, just another thing that endeared me to this place because I love learning.

Jesus turned out to be a pretty cool guy that shares just about all of my morals and beliefs. And though God started out scary and vengeful in the Old Testemant, he settled down a bit in the New one and seemed to figure out that love is a little nicer and gets you a few more friends then fear does.

After all “the Lord is my shepherd” and for me, so are me, so are his followers in many ways. I have been able to develop my relationship with God because of this church and the people in it. I see Jesus Christ reflected in all of you seated before me.

So, what does spirituality mean to me? Well, I’ll have to get back to you on that because I’m still learning and I plan to keep doing so as long as there’s stuff to learn.

I hope you’ll stay by me in this adventure called life. Let’s keep learning together. Amen.